Seeing the Future

I am certainly not the only one who wishes they could see the future, but there are moments where I really wish I had a magic ball that could show me what was right around the bend. Usually, I feel this way when I am stuck in some sort of limbo, which could pretty much sum up my current state of mind. Do I move forward through my issues and take a risk or do I avoid them and stick to the familiar and safe. This has been on my mind as of late. I usually pride myself on being a person who can see the big picture, make hard decisions quickly and then make the best of what’s to come, but right now I feel paralyzed and unable to make any choices. When I get like this, I often think of these lyrics from one of my favorite songs.

“Well, something’s lost, but something’s gained, in living everyday.” – Joni Mitchell, Both Side’s Now

Joni Mitchell is right, everyday we have new experiences, learn and grow and because of that we loose that old part of ourselves. What’s done is done and can never be undone. We can’t move backwards, we can’t stand still, even if we wanted to. Everyday we have to make choices, some easy and some hard, but we can’t just stand still. I know this. But sometimes I want to skip through the hard parts to get to the end just where all the tough choices have been made and everything is resolved. I want instant gratification and its not always possible. I want things to happen without having to do the dirty work. It’s ironic because I read a lot of metaphysical books and they always tell you to think positively and let the universe guide you, and I really really wish I could let go of the reins and let someone or something else take over trusting that everything will turn out right, but I’m deathly afraid that if I loose control I will end up someplace I don’t want to be. I want control and I want to give up control both at the same time, how’s that for messed up paradoxes.

As I’m writing this I am getting that sense that I am supposed to wrap up this rant with some sort of lesson so that my readers aren’t left with an uneasy feeling, but honestly, I have no clue how to wrap this up because I too am uneasy. I don’t have the answers yet and maybe that is the answer. Maybe the lesson is you never know until you know. I have a gut feeling thats leading me and that’s about it. Perhaps, one day, if I ever resolve this matter in my mind, I will go ahead and write a follow up to this rather cryptic piece. But for now, you’re left in limbo, with me.

I apologize if this post seems weird or out of place here. I’m sorry if I am coming off vague and not being specific, but the problem is, there isn’t just one specific thing going on that is the catalyst for this, its like multiple different things mushed together to add complexity on top of complexity so its not something I feel comfortable discussing publicly on my blog right now. I would ask, however, that if you could, please send positive vibes my way. Thoughts, prayers, chants, whatever you do to get the positive mojo flowing, send it in my general direction please.