Strange & Charmed

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ― Elie Wiesel

“Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.” ― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“…the opposite of love is not hate — it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn. If somebody hates me, they must “feel” something … or they couldn’t possibly hate. Therefore, there’s some way in which I can get to them.” ― Leo F. Buscaglia

Not caring, apathy, indifference- it’s the plague of society. Isn’t it ironic that in a time where the Internet can bring you vast amounts of data and people are able to connect all across the globe, we are losing the essence of humanity at alarming rates. Christianity, Judiasm, Islam and all the major world religions profess caring about yourself, your world and your neighbors, and yet we are missing the message. We have become professionals at avoiding real human connection, not only with others, but most importantly, ourselves. Think about it, when was the last time you gave the excuse “I’m sorry, I am too busy to…(fill in the blank)?” Or started a diet or exercise plan only to buckle at the first sign of a challenge? We don’t even care enough to take care of ourselves. This is a major problem that really stems from a major malfunction in our own self value.

We cannot expect to care about anything truly until we care about ourselves first. Self esteem and self-love, or the lack of it, is a major player in why we cannot seem to commit. Caring is a commitment after all. It takes time and effort to care about anything, which is why I call it the art of caring. It all starts inside, within your own mind. You must silence the voice inside your head that is screaming out to you that you don’t matter. Because if you don’t think you matter, you won’t think much else matters! Indifference is bred out of fear. Fear that you will fail, fear that someone will not agree with you, fear that people are judging you for your opinions and for caring.

You’re not wrong after all. When you care about things people will judge you, you may fail, and people will certainly disagree with you, but that doesn’t reflect back on you. It’s just the way the world works. You can profess that 2 + 2 = 4 but some smart ass will argue some obscure piece of mathematical theorem that says it actually equals 5. These people don’t matter, and they don’t matter because there is always a dissenter. You’re allowed to not care about the dissenters. As for people judging you, yep, your right! When you care about something or even someone there is always judgement. Like the dissenters, these people also do not matter because someone always has an opinion and wants to share it. While I wish the world would abide by Thumper’s “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” it’s actually more along the lines of “misery loves company.” Remember, other people who “don’t care” are going to be confused as to why you “do care,” and they are going to feel inadequate about your caring because they lack self-esteem enough to appreciate the fact that you care about something. It’s a vicious cycle, don’t get caught up in it, just ignore it! Finally, caring may also not work out for you. It is possible to fail at caring. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, if anything, it is all the more reason to give something a shot! Everyday is filled with failure. Things you were supposed to do, but couldn’t get to. New meals you attempted but ruined. Appointments you were late for. All of this is failure, we live with it everyday and it propels us forward. Think about it. When you are running late for an event do you just decide not to show up? Probably not. When you don’t complete a task today, does that mean you can’t try it tomorrow? Nope. When you burn dinner, does it mean you stop cooking? Not at all! You fail all the time and you get over it! You learn from your mistakes and try again. So next time you decide not to do something out of fear of failing, remind yourself that you fail all the time and life still goes on!

Once you have come to terms with your fear of commitment, you must begin to dismantle the barrier between yourself and the world. The biggest lie we tell ourselves to keep from participating in life is what I call “the busy trap.” You can’t do this or that because you are busy. Busy is a lie; busy is a self-made delusion; busy is the ultimate shield. Busy is our way of legitimizing our disinterest and indifference. People can hardly argue with it, as it almost gives the impression of interest while simultaneously disconnecting us. It’s as though your saying, “I would do this, if I had time” but when someone tells you they are busy or when you use the phrase yourself, remember, what you are really saying is “this is not worth my time and I refuse to prioritize it.” If you have friends who give you this excuse often, you may want to reevaluate whether you should remain friends with them. Consequently, if you give this excuse often, you need to confront yourself on why you refuse to participate in the world. Do you need to work on your self-esteem or do you need to cut off a relationship that isn’t working? You need to be honest with yourself and others because “busy” is a waste of time.

So, now that you know that you matter and that you have nothing to be afraid of and are understanding the barriers you have in place between you and the world, lets discuss why you should start caring about things and the benefits it will bring you. To summarize, caring opens you up to new experiences and new people. It brings you a level of fulfillment and accomplishment in your life that you have never felt before. Caring can sometimes lead you to hurt and pain, but through it also clarity and personal growth. If you talk to parents, they will often use this same language to describe their experience with their children. If you speak to an artist, the same words are often used. The same goes for business owners, writers, athletes, model train enthusiasts and so on! When you care about something, either a person or a passion, you awaken your human spirit. You may think there is a difference between a parent caring for their child and a girl who loves fashion but to each of them what they care about is important and valuable and gives their life meaning.

When you begin to care you begin to spend your time wisely, you learn to prioritize and you live your life more fully. Humans are intelligent and creative and when we engage this natural state our quality of life increases. Get into hobbies, learn new things, connect with people, care about the world, it’s intricacies and its oddities and live life. Don’t be too busy for it all.